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So long, Peter Pan

Last year, on top of stockpiling more beans than our digestive systems could handle, we stockpiled peanut butter. Because even at 23, our son has a PBJ every night before bed. For the last four years or so, his PB of choice was Peter Pan Simply Ground Honey Peanut Butter. It was anathema to me, a lifelong Crunchy Jif girl. And he was a lifelong Crunchy Jif boy until that Simply Ground crack hit his system. Since peanut butter is an affordable protein with a great shelf-life, it was an important staple in the diets of many people across the world. Hey, it was either that or Spam. But by the summer we were having trouble finding the good stuff, and did a little research. Turns out Peter Pan phased out Simply Ground, so I had everybody I knew on the lookout, whenever they braved a trip to the grocery store or Walmart. We bought our last three jars of Simply Ground in September, and spread it as thinly as possible to still consider it a PBJ. We got down to the last quarter of the last jar on planet Earth around December 5, and our son closed it up tight and stuffed it in the back corner of the pantry to, I don’t know, dip a spoon in there every couple of days to make it last. The shelf life on the jar was December 20, 2020 … well, folks, last night I pulled it out thinking we’d each have one last bite for our good fortune.

Gag. Believe the ‘use by’ dates on products in your pantry, people. Force yourself to finish your very favorite thing in the whole world, even if it’s the last one (I’m looking at you, Ho-Ho’s), because it’s even more of a punch to the teeth when you can’t eat the last bite because it’s bad. The Crunchy Jif lover in me rejoices to our return to the OG, but the Simply Ground boy in my son mourns Peter Pan’s decision to stop its production. I shake my fist at you, Peter Pan!